Sleeping with parents how old is too old

In addition, discuss the importance of children being able to sleep independently as related to their ability to participate in age appropriate activities.

Recognize that a child's anxiety, lower self-esteem and dependency behaviors during the day time are related to their inability to have the confidence to sleep alone at night. This helps motivate everyone to change the co-sleeping habit even though the older the child is the more resistance will occur. With consistent use of strategies and limits regarding sleeping in their own bed, most children will learn typical sleep habits and patterns and remain in their beds for the duration of the night within months.

Parents should seek professional help if with effort the co-sleeping cycle is not broken. Psychologist, family therapist, realitonship strategist, parent coach, mom, divorcee, media person, professional life-lover.

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All rights reserved. Here are 6 actions that parents can take to break the co-sleeping cycle:. Recognize the severity of the problem and commit to changing it. Suggest a correction. My 17 year old son has lived with his Dad since he was He missed me and my cuddles and would fall asleep in my bed watching TV until But when my 11 year son went for a sleepover his friends mother co sleeps and she did when my son was there in the bed.

Yup, it will last until she is 13, at which point she will be sleeping in bed with every 14 year old boy that she comes across. You agreed with her. It will be your fault as you failed to be a parent. It has been 5 years.

How many grandchildren do you have? Sorry but for all you parents out there if you have not bonded with your young boy or girl by the time they are 9 10 11 or 12 you have issues not them…..

Ok then you are one weirdo! We wonder why our society is so messed up? Actually, he is a very well-behaved, independent child and he does do chores and has redponsibilities.

Just give us a break…and no, my child doesnt sleep with me…but cant stand judgemental people …wondering if you guys are so perfect and yoyr lives are so perfect…. Well hopefully he will concentrate on grammar and spelling instead? You wonder why society is messed up? I wonder how we got to a stage where no-one has a grasp of the English language anymore.

Shame on you Connie for attacking her like that. Your delivery was just wrong! I have one child and as much as I love the extra room in my bed on the nights I put her in her room, I also find myself missing that snuggle time with her. I say…. Love your comment Amy…well done you…i have got a little girl too and ocassionally we sleep together…i love being close to her, giving her hugs and feel her breath on my face. I know she grows up and i will never ever get the chance to hold this little human being in my arms the way i do it now.

Learn how the word dynamic is spelled. The father uses the excuse that the other bedroom although it has two beds in it is occupied by my 15 year old son who is well behaved and not interested in his daughter in the least. This is sad and creepy. Kids should be in their own beds by age 8 or 9. Seriously, grow up a bit. If this dad is your boyfriend….. Parents protect their children…. Protect them from doing impulsive exploratory things. You are right, it is creepy.

Kids need to learn how to comfort themselves and get to sleep on their own or they will always be dependent on someone else for those things — comfort and sleep. I would feel like a bad parent if I allowed that to happen. When there is a sleep-over, how does a co-sleeping middle school child 11,12? Or camp? Or on a trip with a friend? Or the camp counselor? Privacy, independence, sexuality exploring their bodies, realizing their parents need their private intimate alone time being able to COPE with being alone.

Do u cuddle, wake up wrapped around your 12 year old? Why are they chosing? Guide them, parent them, they are looking to you for that!!!! Wow, where does the line get drawn??

I agree. I made it a fun experience where I would sing to him a cute song and after the song he would get off. He is almost 2 and dose great on the toilet. We have a ruitinee bed time.

After that we turn off his light and one of us stays with him minutes depending on what we think he needs for that night. Which hardly ever happens. Children need love, nurturing, and structure. My son wakes up happy. And he knows hee loved Even with the rules.

Honestly thank you! I see my son every second weekend and he lives with his father and when he is with me he sleeps in the same bed. You have opened my eyes to see that its not healthy and your right if he needs me he will come to me. I guess I just feel like I am missing out so I cherish the time we have together but your absolutely correct. Hes not a baby any more and I cant keep treating him like one. As a father with a co-sleeping child in the house not by my own choice and I strongly wish it were not true I might have some insight.

Our co-sleeper sleeps with other kids when they are around instead of with Mom. Camping or any overnight outside of the home is hard for him as he gets anxious about sleeping. Our son does have boundary issues in my opinion and is severely dependent on his mother. He has a hard time in school both academically and socially due to lack of independence.

By the way, he is eight years old now and not showing any signs of reversing any of the above mentioned trends. This trend cannot continue as a boy matures and hits puberty.

Where is the line drawn.. There is a reason every medical and pyscological organization in the world agrees co-sleeping should end by age 6. Snuggle time is not something your child should need at age 8, 9 or They will be having sex in years. Stop coddling their development, and act like a mature and intelligent person and understand that this indulgence needs to stop sooner or later. The longer you wait, the more difficult and damaging it is to your son or daughter.

Kids have their own room for a reason. I live with someone and his 9 yr old daughter sleeps in the bed with us on the other side of him. He sees nothing wrong with it but I do.

Her behavior is not like other kids. She thinks she rules the house and his disrespectful towards me. Same problem here!! And I spoke with him about it several times.. I agree my boyfriend of 2 yrs 11 almost 12 yr old son when I am not there he sleeps with his Dad on the weekends and Holidays and often will say please do not come over tonight its our bonding time..

He go an ac for the bedroom and I said Your son will want one in his room and he said why he can sleep with me.. I find this not healthy for us as a couple so as important as his Son is Our relationship has had its time of strange allowances time for moving on. Nice parenting, lots of love in that house.

All I can say is I hope the boyfriend wises up and kicks you to the curb. OMG Melinda seriously!!! I have family member who sleeps with HER 15year old son. Their needs to be limits. Wow…the reason I found this thread was because I wanted to know if my 10 yr old son was the only kid in the world that still wants to sleep with his Mom!

But I have noticed that it is getting harder and harder to get him out of my bed he reads books in it, watches TV in it, it is a very comfortable king size bed. When his friends come over, he sleeps in his own bed and they sleep in the other bunkbed so he can def. I see this situation with my sister and her almost 13 year old son.

The kid has his own room, so they call it his room, but all his belongings are still in their room and he is afraid to sleep in his room. When he has friends over for a sleepover he sleeps in his room and pretends that that is his room the whole time. I mean come on what gives already? I am the daughter.

I found it disgusting, morbid, humiliating and so horrendous that now, at almost age 49, I am still shocked I was forced to do so. My brother had his own bedroom with a door he kept closed and locked. I was forced to sleep with our mother for years and she chronically beat me, humiliated me and forced me to be the household slave, too. I was given meager food while my brother was fed like a king.

The very IDEA she thought it would be okay for me to share her bed and the bedroom with her instead of finding a rental with three bedrooms. My niece is in a similar situation as you were.

If someone had asked you as a child whether you wanted to sleep in the same bed as your mother, would you have said yes? Hi, I just had to weigh in and tell my story. I was a daughter forced to sleep with my mom for 17 years till I went to college and then every time I came home for summers, holidays, etc. They were married; my father slept on the pull out couch in the living room.

I would ask for us to move so I could have my own room; maybe it was because they did not have enough money as we lived in NYC and there was rent control on the apartment.

I asked if I could be the one to sleep on the pull-out couch and was told that my father needed the air conditioner there was only one of those. Even knowing as an adult that money issues are not so easily solved, they could easily have prioritized my needs and gotten two beds or at least slept together like a married couple and let me sleep on the couch.

I was an only child and thankfully did not experience the other abuse you described, but this seriously caused me ISSUES. It stunted my social development and my sense of self-worth and identity. In addition, I knew from an early age that I was queer and sleeping with my mom was especially weird and slightly creepy in retrospect, even though there was no sexual abuse. So, though there are clearly some differences, you are not completely alone.

I would love some input on this situation. I had a boyfriend, who is 32, and has an 11 year old daughter. He also has a 9 year old son. But his daughter feels the need to sleep with her dad every time they are at his house.

We have only been dating for 5 months, and when I would stay over there not to long after we got together, he would even let his daughter sleep with us. Just Because she wanted to. I even told him I felt uncomfortable, and yet he did nothing.. He would be naked, showing it all in front of his 11 year old daughter.. I honestly find their relationship to be a little weird. It was always weird, but I never said anything.. When u said she is sleeping with is, he said no and that she needed to sleep elsewhere.

I was baffled.. Is it me, or is this a little strange?? If leave his ass. Sorry but if be pissed too. Sick kids are so hard to see when your a patent. His kids, both the daughter and son are going to cause you a lot of trouble. There is definitely some issues there, ive grew up doing foster care with worse of worse cases of abuse and seen many stages. Studied child psychology and there is going to be many issues with the son in that situation and daughter shpuld not be seeing her father naked under any circumstances.

That is very unhealthy situation and should get away from that as soon as possible. Sorry to add more, but I forgot to add this.. However, I wanted to put this comment on here to help anyone else that might be going through this. What you are describing is clearly indicative that your boyfriend hopefully former by now is a narcissistic parent. The only one that will be adored — and will get away with everything — will be his golden child daughter.

However, the author Dr. Susan Forward has also done some excellent work around this topic. I will say that it is also not healthy for you to be in that relationship. A narcissistic person will make you feel crazy, break your self-esteem, and continuously manipulate for their own ends. This is abusive, period. Everything you described is inappropriate to the max. This whole topic has me shaking my head.

I feel bad for the kids they should learn to sleep on there own. What if you want to have sex with the other parent? This is what is wrong with the world today we let the kids do what they want an the parents are divorced quick because of this. Really… Really? He has no problem sleeping away from me. He also has no problem sleeping outside of our home. He is just used to and comfortable with going to sleep w Mommy while we are home.

Why not you ask? These are little things that children carry with them for security. And if it still bothers no, no-one said you have to accept it.

But be respectable or keep your 2 cents to yourself. Can you spell denial? I had a friend who was wondering if this was wrong or right, decided to surf the net and see what other parents and docs say. After reading everyone and the article…ummm i say be a parent not a friend. Dealing with this early on can prevent future social problems. I have nephew who slept in his parents bed for years.

He ditched school and was a bully when he went. Has major hatred for women. He is now 20 and cant keep a job. Just does what he wants when he wants and no respect for authority. Reading this article makes me wonder if his parents put their foot down then, maybe my nephew could wound up with a better outcome in life.

I am in a relationship with a man that still does the co sleep and shower thing. They always sit together, hold hands together, sleep, shower, when at restaurants, she makes sure her seat is touching, her body touching. Eating from his plate. On the flip side, he is a great dad and attentive to her every call. But as his partner, i am on the outside. I am lonely.

I walk by myself, sleep in another room, sit by myself. They go on dates and eat out. From my side, i am heartbroken and alone, from their side, they dont even notice i there. Example: a family ski trip for five days He and his almost 12yr old share a bed and a room. My kids and i in another room. On the ski fields, them two can ski alone together for many hours before he realizes he hasnt seen me for over 3 hrs. Meanwhile, i skiing on my own.

My kids older teenagers, doing their own thing. I do spend a little time with my kids, but they developing into independent adults in a couple yrs. Even meals they attached to each other. Did i mention we been in relationship nearly 2. Its upsetting, forgive me for wincing! Hi Belinda. Does your partner know how you feel? I am in no way taking sides. However, I just feel that looking on the positive side, he may feel that because he is that way with his daughter, that you are that way with your kids, and not even realize that you feel like an outsider.

He may also feel very secure in your relationship and may just assume you share the same feelings. I personally would try speaking with him about how you feel. If he is a good man that cares about your feelings, he will understand and try to make adjustments to make sure all those who are close to him, his partner you and his kids, feel loved and appreciated.

I wish you much happiness. I have the same situation. They use to had showers together. He turns on the water get her pjs.

I sleep in the other room because I toss and turn. He holds her hand. I walk behind them. Kisses her on the head softly 4 times. Touches her every time he goes past her. I just get the sex. Call him sexy when he gets dressed up. Lays on top of him on the lay back chair. He tell her for my ears only. I want you to stay in your bed tonight dads tied. Then tells her to come into bed 30 mins later when I have gone into the other room. He thinks this is OK. I think its sick.

They act like boyfriend and girlfriend. Not dad and daughter. He has got her every second weekend. He sees her every second day. Sounds to me like he and his daughter are an Item.

More than a father daughter relationship. If you are ok with it fine. Then do nothing. If you find that it bothers you and you want to find out if more is going on. Then go buy hidden cameras. Put them around the house out of site. Do not place these in the bathrooms or bedrooms. If you do. Do this at your own risk. It is an invasion of privacy. You can get in big trouble if one is found in private areas. Other wise any other room is safe. It should be noted neither girl had problems prior to sleeping with their mom.

Just another way to alienate them from their dad. My stepdaughter is going on 6. I strongly disagree on letting her. My gf 9 year old son always wakes us up in the middle of the night as she goes in his room to sleep with him. Yes I do find it unusually unfortunately I can already see signs of anxiety for the kid maybe even insomnia. MY 9 year old daughter also sleeps at the house on the weekends and has no problem sleeping by herself and has never gotten up in the middle of the night.

I know for a fact this is depriving the mother sleep which is NOT good at all. My x brother in law still sleeps with his daughter…….. Please help me decide what to do.

Tell your parents you love them but you are growing up and need your space. Be assertive and consistent but not emotional. They need to get it. We were all screwed up by our parents and there us always therapy. But of course the earlier you set your boundaries the better off you will be. Best of luck. You people are sick. Like the article says. I understand if the child is having a nightmares or is physically sick. At a certain age enough is enough. Stfu and stop thinking about yourself.

It does mentally affect a child. I also have proof myself. A mother let her son sleep with her till the age of Now the son cant sleep. At all unless its with his mom or another woman. Hes 19 now. He still has the same issue. He cannot sleep without a woman next to him. I know this is true because I lived there for years. And it made me sick. Listen women, if your lonely, buy a dog. Create that separation in bed. I agree!!!! I wish my boyfriend will stop letting his soon to be 9yr old sleep with him…I refuse to so I sleep on the couch while being 7months pregnant.

My dad was a single parent and had to raise me by himself. Sadly he wasnt always able to be at home when I was little. Until I was about 12 I would often sleep over with a friend of his when he was away for work. They would let me sleep in the guest bedroom, we would play together, or occasionally go out to eat.

When my dad was home though I would almost always sleep in bed with him, anytime he was around really I basically attached myself to his hip lol. I loved my dad, and cherished every bit of time I got to spend around him when he was off work. When I was 13 he got a different job and started working from home, we had a whole lot more time to spend together.

I still always tried to sleep in bed with him, and occasionally he would me. I left for uni when I was 17 and up until that time, sleeping in bed with him was very normal for me. We would cuddle up and watch tv, I would lay my head on his chest and dose off so quick. Even slept with him durring holidays when I had plenty of time away from uni.

In no way would I ever consider my dad to have been abusive, but I do feel it is something people are very quick, and not to mention wrongfully, judge. Only time I ever felt weird for it was when others would mock me simply for it being different then what they knew. Learned to keep it a secret from others growing up, still had sleep overs, or would go to others houses and slept fine in their rooms or on the couch.

Hell if anything, if I were given the chance to do it again, not only would I; but i would have held him even tighter. I would have ignored the stares, would have disregarded the judgments. Complicating the matter even further, the parents have gotten into serious debt and the husband — an alcoholic — has moved out.

Although the marriage is ending, the co-sleeping has not. Any guidance would be greatly appreciated. Most parents and most grandparents think co-sleeping is either very good or very bad, depending on the research they read, but unfortunately the research is quite mixed and often conflicting. Some critics of co-sleeping — where parents and children sleep in the same bed or the same room — and of bed-sharing — where they sleep in the same bed — think parents might inadvertently suffocate their baby or cause them to die of SIDS.

Others insist that children who sleep in their own beds are more independent. The fans, led by James J. McKenna of Notre Dame — the guru of infant sleep — and William Sears, the avuncular pediatrician who promotes attachment parenting so well, may have better research, however. They both say that mothers and babies bond better and have fewer incidents of SIDS, and according to Dr.